i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How naked do you want me to be?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
