He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
