So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
