Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
