i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
