If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
