You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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