i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
