Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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