the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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