I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
