I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
