So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
