he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
