I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize