My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize