We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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