I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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