I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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