Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
