You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
