So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
