She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
