I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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