He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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