Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No subtext here. People are naked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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