Can i not drive my cunt home
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
