I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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