Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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