I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
