listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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