That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
