This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
