I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
