hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
