at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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