Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
