in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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