I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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