every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
