If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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