So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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