What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
