Taylor Swift is so right about you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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