Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
