Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
