I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
