sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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