I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
