So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize