Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
