absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
