I look better un-naked...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
