Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
