So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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