do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
