Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize