Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
