so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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