What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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