He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
