"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
