My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
