It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
