She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize