you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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