I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
