I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
