oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
