found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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