so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
