Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Houston, we have a blender
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
