p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize