So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
