i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
