um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
