I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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