im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
