I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize