Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
