I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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