I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
