Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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