I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
