it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
