I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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