So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
