I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
